To anyone who has ever uprooted there lives and left behind cherished people, places and experiences. Or committed to radical change. You know that initially...it sucks in a lot of ways. There is this giant hole in my heart that was full before we moved away. It was full with the physical presence of beloved friends and the community of openhearted kind folks to share and grow in yoga. Now, all those people I love and the places that came to feel like home are now a part of what I feel both gratitude and heartache about.
When we first moved, I immediately found myself diving into the yoga and social scene to make new connections and friends. But there was this inner judgment that was unfamiliar to me. I discovered a strange unwillingness to be open and an underlying sadness that would catch up to me each day. Yet still, subconsciously I pushed myself to fill the empty spaces with new things. This push was my way of trying to avoid the heartache that was under the surface.
Then in a moment it all caught up to me... The sadness and loss I so desperately needed to embrace could not be ignored any longer. Truth is, I spent the majority of one entire day crying and owning my feelings. I realized I had to face it and that the judgment and unwillingness to open to these new experiences were clear signs. It became obvious that what I needed was to step back and draw into myself. I needed to embrace this emptiness and feel it whole heartedly. So I did. By taking this time to draw in...I will eventually create the space to expand again and include new people/opportunities/connections in my life.
Sometimes, we try everything we can to avoid the emptiness that is inside us. We occupy our minds with music, podcasts, books and TV or food or going out or mind altering substances or shopping or habitually distracting thoughts. Ironically, if we would just embrace this emptiness and go into it we would feel ultimately freer.
I woke up the day after my "break down" feeling this immense sense of relief and freedom. This emptiness feels like a gift to me now. It reminds me of the richness of where I've come from and honors the people I love from there. I feel free to take the time I need to recover from the losses of moving away from Cary and permission to slowly open again to all the will come here in Chattanooga.
One breathe at a time...
Keri Marino is an internationally Registered Yoga Teacher and Yoga Therapist. She owns and operates Yoga Unique offering Yoga Therapy, Classes, Workshops and Training in Chattanooga, TN. It is her mission to empower others to have improved quality of life through the practice of Yoga!
I'm a Yoga Therapist, Teacher & Mama Bear who is all in on mindful authentic living. This blog is a collection of my passion for all things yoga, nutrition, health and cooking. Subscribe to the blog for monthly goodies delivered right to your email!